This is it. A time for change. When I started keeping track of my finances to the very last penny at the beginning of this year, I learned a few things about myself that were quite humbling. My careless spending habits had remained in the shadows since the day I got my first real job, and now that I have a family to look after, and real bills to pay, these habits are beginning to rear their ugly, consequential heads.
Thanks to my grueling efforts toward figuring out where my money was going, I found out that McDonald's [top] dollar menu wasn't saving me any money at all; I found out that 21% interest and a $2400 limit was a big deal rather than a good deal; I found out that being impatient is the last thing you want to be when buying a used car. I found out a lot of things. But I found out too late. Far too late.
The consequences of my impatience, my lack of personal finance skills, and my impulsive, impatient spending have caught up to me, and at this point there's nothing I can do but weather the storm. Of course, being laid off, and supporting a family of five on a single, hourly income have added fuel to the fire, but here I sit, hundreds of dollars overdrawn, thousands of dollars in debt, and with no way out this side of a miracle. But do I deserve a miracle?
God has always provided for my needs, financially. Even in my current situation, and at my current job, my bills are paid. I have every penny accounted for, bills, income, and unnecessary spending, from February of this year up until Decebmer 31st of this year, and without the unnecessary spending, my bank account will not go below zero. It has been my impatient, and impulsive financial decision making thus far that has gotten me here, and it has been a sincerely humbling experience to actually see the numbers on my computer screen.
I'm not angry at God, or at anyone who may have influenced my behavior. I am angry at myself. Why am I doing this? Why, even when I know I can't afford it, do I still pull up to the drive thru? What could possibly be slipping my mind when I swipe my credit card for things that will not provide anything besides instant, short-lived gratification? I pray every day that I will come to understand the horrors I am putting myself through when I do such things before I do them. I would greatly appreciate some prayer support. I've been going it alone all along, and this is where my lust for sole control has gotten me.
God bless you,
~Josh
Post a Comment